My voice was hoarse. I didn’t sleep well. I kept dreaming pictures of scatter colorful dust. There was repeated sound of car-door closing which I wan’t sure whether the sound was in my dream or the real one.
But the gruffness in my voice didn’t come from my insomnia. It came from the fact that last night I yelled at someone whom has gradually changed from a warm thoughtful person to a person possessing a reality distortion.
I was terrified of hearing the story which sounded absurd, so unreal as a normal person will not think like that but this certain person believes in every said words no matter how I tried to point the unreasonable aspects of that story because it only consisted of hallucination and delusions. (I won’t go in details but it gave such a dreadful impact on my world.)
As a conversation kept going on, I uncontrollably yelled at that person like I’m a maniac myself. I felt guilty and I know for sure that I would be burnt in hell if it was waiting for me after my death. I looked at that person and tried to remember the same one in the past. Why could this thing happen?
As soon as our talks ended, I was exhausted and stressed. My nerve was strained. But I won’t tell this to anyone. I can’t … for now. I don’t know what to do next. However, I think I can act like nothing happened last night. No any conversation at all. Because that person also does the same thing.
This blog will be just the one that I pour my concern to the world (virtual) because nobody who knows me in the real world reads it. I blog it out and I will leave it here. I won’t touch this topic for a while. And I will try to live my life. I will try to smile. Smile like no any serious thing going on in my life. I will be content. I will work hard. I will go along with my daily life … until this ignorance can’t free me anymore.