An ex

How one can handle an ex? Let’s say ex-boyfriend. (The one I mentioned here)

After I broke up with him for two years and we rarely talk to each other after that. He recently tried to call me which I didn’t pick up his calls. Some might say that we can be friend after breaking-up and that’s what I thought I was going to do. However, I’m always reminded of his rage and jealousy whenever I think of him so I am trying to avoid any communication with him.

When I told him I don’t love him anymore, I didn’t give him any explanation. I kind of took a blame to myself and let him think I was the one who had black-heart (according to a word he called me at that time).

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He may never know how much I needed to alter myself to suit his demands. “Don’t tell your friends/family about our arguments otherwise I will break up with you” as he used to tell me like that so I never told anyone about his over jealousy or anger during our relationship. Anyway, I spoke up after I’m no longer with him.

He never hurt me physically but his fury hurt me emotionally. Yes, we had moments of happiness together but I don’t know why they are so vague memory now. It turns out that I tend to recall the bad moments such as the time when he was suspicious of my relationship with a female friend or a married male co-worker, which I tried to reason with him that I was a straight woman; and I will never engage myself with anyone who’s already had girlfriends/wives.  He claimed that he had a bad experience with his ex-girlfriend so he couldn’t trust me. Thus, I needed to extract myself from others in order to avoid arguments with him on that matter. None the less, I felt that he was unfair as he blamed me for his unfaithful ex-girlfriend.

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We had quarrels many times and I cried a lot. Each time, it would start like I unintentionally did something that he didn’t satisfy with. He would be very angry and I wasn’t aware of what I did wrongly at that time. There was one time we had very big argument in my car while I was driving, and he was very angry … so angry that he punched himself 2-3 times.

I’ve never thought I could endure the roller-coaster relationship like that for 2 and a half years. My friends who know me well can’t believe that I could tolerate such behaviours too. As I has a strong personality outside (but I’m kind of sensitive regarding some topics), I’m not afraid of speaking my mind. I am sincere and I will never be unfaithful. I might not be easy at small talk or start conversation with strangers but I can talk to anyone if we have the same interest on music/book/travel/gadgets without thinking of their genders.

After two years of breaking-up, he started to contact me again. When I didn’t pick up his calls (he tried to call once a week), we talked via Line application. He asked me to meet him for lunch so we can catch up. However, I don’t want to do that. He said if I don’t meet him, he might visit my company (I hope he’s just kidding). He said something like I still love him so that’s why I don’t want to meet him (Unbearable logic?!?) or I’m afraid that he still loves me which I hope not.

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It is annoying and I don’t know how should I handle this kind of situation since I have only one ex-boyfriend in my life (yeah, I’m not popular and might be single till I die). For me, it doesn’t matter what he think about me now, I just don’t want to meet or talk to him unless it is truly necessary. I’m thinking of building up a fake new boyfriend but I knew it’s a silly solution and I’m not good at telling lies. I therefore try to respond him as less as I can without creating bad terms with him. Ignore his non-sense accusation as much as I can.

That is the best option I can think of and hope that he will be bored and stop his attempts as soon as possible.

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15 thoughts on “An ex

  1. He sounds like a control freak. Ignore him because he wants a reaction from you. Any reaction. Once he gets it, you’ve open up Pandora’s box and he’ll continue the cycle again. I’m only giving this advice as a professional from what I do as my job. You are better off without him. Trust me on this.

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  3. In the past I did have controlling boyfriends like the one that you describe – they wanted to dictate a lot of things in my life. Since leaving them, I haven’t really even given them a second thought. I hope you keep strong.

  4. He sounds like a stalker in making to me. It might not escalate to a full blown stalking/harrasing conflict but there are signs already. Just sayin’ be careful. ;-) I think you are doing great so fat handling his calls and demands. :-) Stay strong and think of yourself first, what is important and good for you. How you want to feel. :-) Peace.

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