The tranquil sea

Every thing around here is calm and back to be normal. Unbelievably, the situations on these previous posts (Smile and maybe tomorrow and The war inside) really did happen! No more shouting and accusation. Moreover, I feel like some burden has been lifted up from my shoulder as other two people finally know the same information as me.

calmsea

Still, I have to be careful and I won’t dare to touch any sensitive subject. I don’t know what lies beneath the quiet atmosphere like this as that person still holds the untrue belief. The current situation is similar to the tranquil sea that looks peaceful, but you will never know what the next big wave or even tsunami will come.

Trying my hardest to prevent the next turmoil.

Smile and maybe tomorrow

My voice was hoarse. I didn’t sleep well. I kept dreaming pictures of scatter colorful dust. There was repeated sound of car-door closing which I wan’t sure whether the sound was in my dream or the real one.

But the gruffness in my voice didn’t come from my insomnia. It came from the fact that last night I yelled at someone whom has gradually changed from a warm thoughtful person to a person possessing a reality distortion.

I was terrified of hearing the story which sounded absurd, so unreal as a normal person will not think like that but this certain person believes in every said words no matter how I tried to point the unreasonable aspects of that story because it only consisted of hallucination and delusions. (I won’t go in details but it gave such a dreadful impact on my world.)

As a conversation kept going on, I uncontrollably yelled at that person like I’m a maniac myself. I felt guilty and I know for sure that I would be burnt in hell if it was waiting for me after my death. I looked at that person and tried to remember the same one in the past. Why could this thing happen?

As soon as our talks ended, I was exhausted and stressed. My nerve was strained. But I won’t tell this to anyone. I can’t … for now. I don’t know what to do next. However, I think I can act like nothing happened last night. No any conversation at all. Because that person also does the same thing.

This blog will be just the one that I pour my concern to the world (virtual) because nobody who knows me in the real world reads it. I blog it out and I will leave it here. I won’t touch this topic for a while. And I will try to live my life. I will try to smile. Smile like no any serious thing going on in my life. I will be content. I will work hard. I will go along with my daily life … until this ignorance can’t free me anymore.

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I do my thing and you do yours

Quotes and lyrics are one of my favorite reading materials. I sometimes like to read quotes of various topics on the Internet. Besides quotes and lyrics, memorable statements from movies are my things as well such as ‘Love is like the wind‘.

There is one quote that I’ve read it on a book about psychology more than 20 years ago, and it always lies in my mind. It was a statement by Fritz Perls. When I read this quote in a book, I just knew that it was related to psychology. However, I found that it’s related to some therapy after searching for its more information. I haven’t got through anything in that therapy since I just liked the statements because of the meaning.

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.

(Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim”, 1969) – Source

The meaning of those words are quite true to myself.

 

Green-Blue Person

Today I attended the training to improve my presentation skill arranged by my division. The facilitator comes from Singapore who has experiences in this field for more than 20 years. The class consists of 3 days which the first two days focus on how to conduct the effective presentation. Then we will give our presentation on the 3rd day for 13 minutes for the instructor’s assessment.

On this 1st day, we had a game related to determine what color we are? No, it’s not about any Thailand’s political issue. But it’s about which brain portion we tend to use. The brain dominance model developed by William “Ned” Herrmann can be categorized into 4 types in thinking preferences which are:

Analytical thinking
Key words : Auditive,logical, factual, critical, technical and quantitative.
Preferred activities : collecting data, analysis, understanding how things work, judging ideas based on facts, criteria and logical reasoning.

Sequential thinking
Key words : safekeeping, structured, organized, complexity or detailed, planned.
Preferred activities : following directions, detail oriented work, step-by-step problem solving, organization and implementation.

Interpersonal thinking
Key words : Kinesthetic, emotional, spiritual, sensory, feeling.
Preferred activities : listening to and expressing ideas, looking for personal meaning, sensory input, and group interaction.

Imaginative thinking
Key words : Visual, holistic, intuitive, innovative, and conceptual.
Preferred activities : Looking at the big picture, taking initiative, challenging assumptions, visuals, metaphoric thinking, creative problem solving, long term thinking.

Referred to WikiPage

The instructor put color for each type which are blue, green, red and yellow for analysis, sequence, interpersonal and imagination respectively. The result from the game showed that I am a green-blue person with some yellow. I was kind of surprised of the outcome because of its correctness. I like organizing and planning as well as logical thinking. For yellow, I like all of the innovative and challenging ideas. And I’m not quite good at the interpersonal skill as I don’t have red in the game’s output.

When the instructor described my thinking process and he said something like ‘me as a robot’. It totally amazed my colleague and me since I has been called ‘Robot’ by my teammate before.  Frankly speaking, I like when people call me Robot because I like robots since they are so cool! However, I also know that my weakness is my too much straightforward communication. Sometimes I talk to people and make them feel bad without my acknowledgement. Therefore I am trying to improve this personal habit which I believe that I should be able to get better. Of course, I still talk what in my mind but I will try to observe other people’s feeling more before I speak to them. Moreover, I would like to put the softness in my talks as we don’t have to talk our mind aggressively.

I believe that the content we want to convey is still the same but it’s up to how we efficiently deliver it to the different groups of listeners. So besides knowing our brain color, we should perceive what color others own as well. Consequently, we can choose what way we will interact with them to get the better communication.

One Letter to the Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I know that this letter will never reach you. I just write it to remind myself of the out-of-comfort-zone moment in my life.

Have you ever heard of “Focusing illusion or Anchoring”? I believe you should know it considering that you have mentioned the cognitive topics before.

The focusing effect (or focusing illusion) is a cognitive bias that occurs when people place too much importance on one aspect of an event, causing an error in accurately predicting the utility of a future outcome.
—-
Anchoring or focalism is a cognitive bias that describes the common human tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information offered (the “anchor”) when making decisions. During decision making, anchoring occurs when individuals use an initial piece of information to make subsequent judgments.
From wikipedia

I’ve never known that such the effect could seriously impact the behavior of someone, whom usually rationally thinks and acts. It could alter one’s behavior in the way that they still couldn’t believe themselves.

For some reason, my anchor had been set during our conversations, and it eventually damaged our lively back-and-forth. I have asked myself whether I regret for what I have done or not. Yes and No are the answers. I would reply “Yes” because I still miss a bit of humor and geek in your messages. Yet, I would give simple “No” since it helped me to find out the root cause of my unusual behavior, so that I could fix it before anything went worse.

Disappointingly, our story didn’t end well and you will never know that your short appearance in my life stimulated me to go after my promises. The words that I have promised to myself 6 years ago; something that I hope to accomplish within 10 years time. Our briefly bizarre moment was like a wake-up call in my life; to get up and take the real actions instead of saying some dreamy vows.

Since the chance that we will meet each other again is hardly possible in the wide real world. I’d like to apologize for everything I unintentionally/intentionally offended you. Thanks for your messages that put the smiles on my face and the thoughts on my mind.

Wish you all the best,

Another stranger

Should we lower our High expectations?

Have you ever set high expectations towards certain situations, things or even person? And when those cannot meet our expectation, how much do they affect our feeling? The impacts may bother us a little, but sometimes they can cause our emotion to fall into the bottom of the pit. I think that this kind of event likely happens to us in everyday life; from the ordinary situations to the more serious happening in our lives. I’d like to give two examples:

  • * First example: My mom had expected to eat fresh seafood at our regular restaurant when we went to Chonburi (this province is famous for Pattaya and Bang Saen). However, it turned out that our usual menus were not fresh as my mom’s expectation. She has been complaining about this matter from that moment until now (almost one week). Others in our family ate at that place, we also thought that the dishes were not fresh as they should be; nevertheless, we haven’t been thinking of that anymore. The reason that my mom doesn’t let go the feeling of disappointment because she had a high expectation for that certain meal. And when the actual situation couldn’t meet her expectation. It affected her feeling more than ours as we didn’t set any expectation.

 

  • * Second example: When I got a chance Imageto visit London and Paris. I’ve read some guide books for London which I expected to meet the lively cute atmosphere there. However, the city didn’t have the vibe that I was looking forward to touching. On the contrary, I hadn’t set any expectation for Paris; therefore, I thought that this city was quite interesting and it would be good  if I have a chance to go back there. Frankly speaking, I don’t think that Paris is better than London (or vice versa) but as I set the high expectation for London so it’s easier to get disappointment from it than Paris.

 

 

So what can we do for these kinds of situation? Should we stop setting our expectations? I don’t think so as the appropriate level of expectations can keep us excited or enthusiastic to do something, meet someone, or go some places. However, we should keep in mind that we cannot be certain in anything. We can get disappointed but don’t let that feeling to drag us down. Ok, if you want to feel down, we can sink into the bottom of the emotion pool for 2-3 hours or even a day or two. But don’t let it eat you alive!

And if I ask myself now that “Will I visit London again?” “Of course, and this time I will look at the city as it is, not as my high expectation”  :)